wat bout pragnant strippers??
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
