I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
