Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
