I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
high people should be assigned attendants
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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