So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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