My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we're making bets on your personal life
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
