I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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