Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
