gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im holly from the hills drunk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
