I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
