How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
