She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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