I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
