remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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