I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My liver just broke up with me...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
