It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
