What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
