She said her name was "party"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
