I hope mine doesn't look like that
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
