What a fucking waste of an outfit
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
