Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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