her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
