Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
