Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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