would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
