I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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