The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
