guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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