It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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