can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
