Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
