tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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