well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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