i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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