Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
