True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
