It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
