new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
