Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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