Sponge bath it is.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
