Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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