sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
