No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
