So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
