Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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