Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
