Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
