Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
