someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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