The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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