her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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