I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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