I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
