so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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