please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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