Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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