who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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