I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
