I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Who died my cat blue again?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
